All posts by Kosmic Burrito

Edmonton Oilers, NHL, Rumors, Trades

Trading Pou and Being An Oilers Fan in Mexico

What’s up Oilers fans and hockey fans alike? Here we are at the unofficial second half of the season, and wouldn’t you know it. Our boys in blue and orange are tied for first place in the Pacific with San Jose. Yeah, you read that correctly! Even if they played .500 hockey the rest of the way they’d still most likely make it into the second season. That’s right dude’s and dudette’s, the “playoffs”! It’s been a long time coming since we could all talk about post season dreams at the start of February. And these aren’t just dreams right now really, at this point the Oilers are almost a lock for the playoffs. Exciting times for sure! It’ll be something for Edmonton to just make it into the show, that in itself would leave a lot of the fans satisfied.

But me personally, I’m saying why not this year? Right? Why not make a hard run at it NOW? Look at the way McDavid, Talbot, and Draisaitl are playing for example. These guys are fired up beyond all hell! Then you throw in the strong play from the veterans, and the surprisingly great rookie, Matt Benning. This is a fantastic team, honestly. The Oilers have made more than just a great turnaround, I believe that they’ve put themselves into the conversation about “who is a threat to come out of the Western Conference this year”. Why not try and capitalize on a strong campaign from their young core group that is playing so well? The trade deadline is coming up and the Oilers should definitely be considered “buyers” going into it. I actually hope that they are one of the more aggressive players leading up to the deadline, without disrupting the balance of the team or throwing away the future. Which we all know can happen when trades don’t work out, like we’ve all seen with some deadline deals in the past. We need to hit “home runs” during the McDavid era. Easier said than done.

The Oilers definitely have some holes to fill, for example, nobody in the Oilers organization is 100% sure if Laurent Brossoit is ready to step in as the backup to Cam Talbot yet. He showed very well against the Flames, and those who know me, know that I am a HUGE Brossoit supporter. But I do believe that Edmonton will still be shopping for a veteran backup ‘tender (hopefully with playoff experience and on the last year of their contract) to shore up their goalie situation. But I do hope that Laurent gets some more games in before the deadline, and has some excellent performances to give the Oilers brass something to consider when thinking about the backup position. If they are to make a trade for a goalie (which seems inevitable at this point), Ondrej Pavelec is a name that comes to mind. They probably wouldn’t even need to give up much to acquire him as he’s fallen completely out of favor in Winnipeg. But I think that he’d be a massive upgrade over “The Monster”, and allow the inexperienced Brossoit to go back down to Bakersfield for more seasoning and to play top minutes. Talbot needs someone to take some weight off his shoulders down the stretch, the last thing that the Oilers need is for Cam to burn out or get injured. Look at last night’s game against Minny for example.

The other hole that the Oilers would most like to fill, is their third-line center position. Right now Drake Caggiula is filling that role, and although he hasn’t done a bad job, he is still a rookie. But given his versatility, he can easily slide over to the wing if they trade for a center. This is one area that I believe the Oilers will push hard to pursue a deal leading up to the trade deadline. Martin Hanzal’s name is out there, but the asking price is ridiculous (top prospect + 1st round pick + another draft pick for a UFA this summer). But if Edmonton somehow landed him without screwing up the long term, I think that would put them over the top in center depth and set them up for a nice playoff run.

Obviously, they still haven’t found a right-handed shot, power play specialist defenceman. But so far, their “defense by committee” approach has worked out quite well for them. Which gives me reason to believe that they won’t be over-actively pursuing the power-play genius RHD that we all dream of. But I’m sure that they’ll still be kicking tires on what’s available.

*cough Shattenkirk cough*

Another position of need is the right wing and a name that has been floating around as a potential solution is Edmonton native, Jarome Iginla. Yes, that Jarome Iginla. The one many of us know so well from the well renowned “Battles of Alberta”. Only he was on the “other team”. Would that not be the ultimate troll on the Flames, if they were to land Iggy? HAHAHA! I’m not against the idea even though Iginla isn’t really having a great year (but neither is his entire team), and I think he’d fill out the Oilers third line quite nicely. I highly doubt that it would cost a whole lot to pry him away from Colorado either, maybe David Musil or a 3rd/4th round draft pick? I’m sure the asking price isn’t too high, as they wouldn’t be trading for former perennial 30+ goal scorer Jarome Iginla. But an incredibly valuable pickup nonetheless.

BUT!!!! Let me bring up another possible solution to finding a right winger, why not try and bring Jaromir Jagr to Edmonton? Right? How awesome would it be to see Jagr and McDavid line up together on the PP? Historical, that’s how awesome! But in all seriousness, why not Jagr? As of right now, Florida is five points out of the last playoff spot, and the race in the East is insanely tight. Florida is a mess this year, and that’s a huge understatement. They’re in shambles from top to bottom right now, even though their play has picked up a bit as of late. But as it stands right now, they are most likely missing the playoffs this season. Everybody knows that Florida’s front office is almost entirely analytics-driven now, especially since the infamous Gallant firing. So that’s why I have this possible proposal to Florida: Since “analytics darling” Benoit Pouliot has fallen out of favor in Edmonton, and Florida LOVES their advanced stats. Why not ship him off to Florida for Jagr? Florida gets Pouliot (who is signed for 3 more years after this) for long-term help, and the Oilers get Jagr to bulk up for a LONG playoff run. Or heck, how’s this for a deal: the Oilers trade Pouliot, Davidson, and a 3rd round pick for Jagr, and Mark Pysyk (RHD). That way we clear out a LHD in exchange for a RHD to help balance out our left-heavy defence core. Now I am totally unsure what implications that this would have on the upcoming expansion draft, but I wouldn’t expect it to really be any different than the current concerns. So what do you guys think, could a Pouliot for Jagr deal work? And do you think that Florida would even consider moving the fabulous follicles of Jag’s? Or would Jaromir even consider going to the Oilers?

Either way, if that happened it would be a union of my two favourite things in hockey, the Oilers and Jagr. Seriously, I love that dude.

BEING AN OILERS FAN IN MEXICO

The last thing that I want to touch upon is something amazing in my personal opinion. As most of my readers know already, Kosmic Burrito is ALL ABOUT psychedelic quests, funky trips, and all around fun times. Well around two weeks ago, my wife, three sons, and I went on a trip down to Mexico. We also went with my wife’s parents and mine as well, and we all stayed at Sandos Caracol in Playa del Carmen. We were right along the Mayan Riviera, and the resort is actually an “Eco-Resort” which is built into the jungle. There were animals running around the resort like crazy, it was so gnarly. My whole entire family had a blast, especially my boys. They’ll remember this trip for a long time, that’s for sure. I highly recommend the resort to anyone, especially those with children. There was so much for the kids to do.

Unfortunately, we were down there when the nightclub shooting’s happened, but we were nowhere near the shooting’s when they took place. It was a somber moment when we were notified about what happened from friends at home in Canada. My heart certainly goes out to those families whose lives have been affected by this tragic event.

But something else also happened when I was down there, I literally met at least 20+ fellow Oilers fans during the week down in Mexico. It was insane, “we” were everywhere! Everywhere! Now, remember, I live 45 minutes outside of downtown Toronto. So clearly I’m surrounded by Leafs fans, it goes with the territory. It was amazing! The only other time’s that I’ve been around so many other Oilers fans, is when they come into town to play Toronto. Also, those who know me, know that I have a massive amount of Oilers gear in my wardrobe. For example, I have about 15 Oilers hats and 10 t-shirts alone (don’t get me started on jerseys). So the Oil go, wherever I go. I was getting compliments on my hats, shirts, etc. People would shout “OILERS!” and raise their first in the air, while whizzing by on those golf carts that they zip you resort’s on. It was freaking cool! Lots of Oiler love. Apparently, I missed a pretty cool moment that my boys caught, we were sitting/standing in the resort lobby having a few drinks and talking. I was wearing one of those jersey shirts, that had “McDavid 97” on the back, and a little dude around 6 or 7 was walking by and wearing the same shirt as me (don’t worry, we were wearing our own age appropriate version haha). I guess he stopped right beside me and pointed up at my shirt to show his father. Too bad I missed the little dude, but awesome pick buddy, wherever you are haha! But my favourite Oilers fan interaction of the week was when another guy who was also wearing an Oilers hat, walked up to me and said,

“It’s ok now, it’s safe to wear our Oilers gear proudly again!”

As always ladies and gentlemen, you can chat, debate, and follow me on Twitter or Instagram @kosmicburrito

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Kosmic Burrito, NHL

Oilers Playoff Hopes Still Alive in November? Am I Trippin’?

What’s up you sexy residents of the Beer League Heroes Universe? I’ve just been vibing around on my Kosmic quest for another Oilers dynasty run, and everything psychedelic. What a trip! Can you believe that it’s November 23rd and the Edmonton Oilers aren’t just “still in a playoff position”, they are leading the (once mighty) Pacific Division. I’m serious, this isn’t another bad trip is it? Oh no dude, did I take the infamous “Brown Woodstock Acid”?

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” – Freddie Mercury

No bro, this is the real freakin’ deal…

Let’s face it, the LA Kings aren’t the powerhouse that they once were, and both the Sharks and Ducks are not playing up to their potential. The Flames, well, they’re playing like everyone thought that they would, and Vancouver clearly needs to dump the Sedin’s and go into full out rebuild mode. The Canucks first order of business should be to fire GM Jim Benning, before he makes any other silly signings for this aging team (IE: Loui Eriksson). Then there’s the Coyotes, who were thought to rise up from the desert with their young and talented roster. Which isn’t quite the case as of yet, but they’re young and learning the game still. And lastly, we have our beloved Edmonton Oilers, who are on the rise…finally. Could they have picked a better time to do it? The “California Three” aren’t the juggernauts that they were in the past, Vancouver needs to go into rebuild mode ASAP, and the Coyotes and Flames are finding their game still. The Time is now…

How sick are Thornton and Burns’ beards though? Hella fresh! But not badass enough for a Stanley Cup ring. Yes, San Jose did make it to the Stanley Cup Final last year, but I think that extended run may have tired out some of their older soldiers. Not to mention that Thornton himself also played in the World Cup this past summer. That’s a lot of hockey miles in one year for a 37-year-old soon to be 20 year NHL veteran. Now I’m not suggesting that Jumbo Joe is slowing down, but Marleau on the other hand…yeah guy.

I am NOT trippin’ on some bad stuff when I say this! But LA’s days are numbered as a Cup favourite. Experts have been predicting the LA downward spiral for a few years now, and they definitely have some cap crippling contracts holding them back from adding any firepower (IE: Dustin Brown). Maybe the newly named Vegas Golden Knights (ugh, don’t even get me started) will help them out by taking a big contract off of their hands in the upcoming expansion draft. But until they can fix their cap issues LA won’t be a cup contender, maybe not even a playoff team.

Then I’m not really sure what Anaheim’s issue is, just a whole lot of underachieving if you ask me (or a batch of bad Brown Woodstock Acid). I mean, they still have a competitive roster. Just a down year I guess, it happens. I still think that they’re going to finish strong this year, and will be the major competition for first place in the Pacific.

Then as I mentioned earlier, both the Flames and Coyotes are still trying to find their identities. Both rosters boast a lot of up and coming young talent, mixed in with some solid veterans. It’s only a matter of time before both teams figure their game out.

“Time is of the essence.” – Unknown

But seriously, the Oilers couldn’t have picked a better time to show some improvement in their game (thank you McWizard). No, it’s not just all McDavid, just look at the play of Cam Talbot, the surprise goal production from Tyler Pitlick, and the steady presence of rookie defenseman Matt Benning. Not too mention the offense from young vet’s like Maroon and Eberle, and the muscle from Lucic. When you also factor in the strong play of defensemen Adam Larsson, Oscar Klefbom and Darnell Nurse, it’s easy to see why this entire team seems to have turned the proverbial corner. Are they a Western juggernaut? Not quite yet, but it’s coming. That much is easy to see. Of course, Captain Connor is leading the charge, and the NHL scoring race at the moment. But the rest of the team has also stepped up to meet the challenge. They say the best players bring out the best in their teammates, maybe this is the case with McDavid. But I think that it’s also a matter of having the same coach and systems in place for more than one season, unlike in the past. Also, it could be a matter of a whole slew of players finding their game at the same team and playing like a team. Which hasn’t really happened with past squads.

Whatever it is, it’s November and the Oilers are leading the Pacific Division. I’m just going to kick back, watch some stellar hockey, and enjoy the ride.

Stay trippy my friends!

As always, you can with me or follow me on Twitter @kosmicburrito

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Edmonton Oilers, Kosmic Burrito, NHL

Lucic and Russell… Mistakes? These Kosmic Oilers Thoughts and More..

Awwww yeeeeaaaah! What’s up! It’s your Psychedelic Pspaceman, the Electric Cowboy, a.k.a. Kosmic Burrito back with a hot fire mixtape fo’ that azzzzz….

What? No? My bad, wrong trip….ugh this is so awkward now. I better go take off my M.C Hammer pants.

Hey BLH’ers, it’s been a few minutes since we chilled, and I’m excited to be back here in the Beer League Heroes Universe! What I’ve got cooking in the Kosmic Kitchen today is a healthy mixture of random thoughts and different trips that I’ve been on. Bon appetit!

Twin Daddy Talbot

Man, has this guy been magical or what? Ok Ok, minus that Buffalo game and Talbot has been money so far. After a slow and rough start last year, he has erased any doubts in my mind of that becoming a reoccurring trend this season. First off, though, congrats to the brand new Daddy! Twins as well! Wow, that makes his start to the season that much more impressive to me. I’m a father myself, I have three sons aged nine, eight, and five. But I could not imagine having to handle two newborns at once, AND being an NHL netminder. So that is why my hat is tipped to you, Papa Cam. Twins, and a great run so far.

As of today, his stat-line looks like this: He has a GAA of 2.31 which is tied for 20th in the league, and he sports a SV% of .927 which places him 15th in the league. He’s played in 11 games and his record is 7 W’s, 3 L’s, and 1 OTL. I think it’s safe to say that he’s cementing himself as a true Number One netminder in the NHL. My only fear is that we’re going to have to give him a rest soon, and eventually have to give The Monster his turn in net. DUN DUN DUNNNN…

Tyler Pitlick Needs to Stick…With the Team

To quote the incomparable Mr. Gord Downie, “It’s been a long time running. It’s well worth the wait”. I think this can apply to Tyler Pitlick, who looks like he has finally arrived. But for how long, though, right? I mean yes, he is filling a 4th line role quite admirably, but they have some dudes coming back from injury sooner or later (IE: Hendo, Pakarinen, & Caggiula). And hockey is a business, right? But Pitlick for sure has my backing. I love this guy; he hits anything moving, has blazing speed, and his tenacity for the puck is fantastic. After all the setbacks that he’s had from injury, *knocks on wood* I hope that this is finally the year that he gets to play a full season. He’s been great so far and his work ethic is incredible. I’ll even step out on a limb here, if Pitlick can play a full season and was actually bumped up to 3rd line minutes, I think that he could score 15+ goals and possibly add another 15+ helpers. Like I said, he’s been dynamite in his role so far this season. I for one hope that he sticks it out all year. I can’t help but root for the underdogs, I mean, I am an Oilers fan right? So far this season, he has posted a stat-line that looks like:

11GP 3G 1A 4P 0 +/- (he’s on track for 21 goals at this point, can he maintain that pace? Probably not)

Considering he only has seven points in his entire NHL career (all of 38 games played), this is a fantastic start to the year for him. The Oilers have benefited from a healthy Pitlick in the lineup, I’m sure we can all agree on that. I for one would rather see Pitty stay in the lineup than Hendo or PakMan. But that’s just my opinion

Is Eberle Getting Feistier in His Old Age?

Is Ol’ Man Eberle getting a bit grumpier as time passes? Seriously, though, is it just me or has this guy’s “board play” vastly improved this season? I’ve made a point to literally try and watch every game this season, and so far it’s been mission accomplished. Yes, I am married with kids, so I know that some dudes are probably like, “He’s lying! Every game and he has a wife and kids! How does he do it?”. Easy, my wife is mad cool and I live in Toronto, so my kids are usually in bed during most games. So back to Oscar the Eberle, from my view on the couch it looks like he’s definitely worked on his board game in the offseason. He’s playing a way more physically confident game this year than any other season that I can recall, which isn’t a whole lot since my mind has subconsciously erased many bad Oilers memories. But his attack on the forecheck has also kicked up a notch, and me likey! I don’t know if this is a result of the addition and influence of Milan Lucic, if it is something that Jordan set out to work on this offseason, or if it’s just happening with his “old age”. But I hope that Eberle keeps it up all year. Up until this point, he has a stat-line that goes a little something like this:

11GP 3G 4A 7P -5+/- (I’d definitely like to see some more goals from Eberle)

The Looch

At the very start to the still-young season, I thought that Lucic was playing a strong, physically dominant game. But his play as of late has lacked that edge, most specifically I’m thinking of the Toronto game. Man, they could have used his muscle during those 60+ minutes in the 6ix. But I’ll touch on that game a bit later on. All I’m saying is, they signed Looch to lead, bang, score, and intimidate/police the ice. I hope that version comes back, and real soon! I have no worries that he won’t return. But a “physically quiet” Looch is an ineffective Looch, and that’s the version that has been hitting the ice recently. Milan’s stat-line is looking alright to start the season:

11GP 4G 3A 7P 0 +/- (he’s on pace for 30 goals at the moment, that I can’t complain about)

Is the Russell Honeymoon Over?

To say that this is a hot topic amongst the Oilers blogging community, would be an absolute understatement. Hot? More like a smoldering inferno of molten hot lava, burning within the Universe’s most active volcano. It’s the perfect scenario for the old “Analytics VS Non-Analytics” argument, FOR REAL!

Straight up though, I love analytics. I think that they add so many other dimensions to how we can track a player’s performance, flow of the game, etc… But with that being said, I am not going to pretend that I understand every advanced stat or even what goes into how these geniuses track them HaHa! That’s why I’m extremely happy that I work with the man, G-Money. Whom I personally believe is one of THE BEST in the Analytics/Advanced Stats world. I usually ask G any kind of analytical question that I have, or how a player’s advanced stats looked after a game. The man is named “Money” for a reason people.

So onto my Russell trip, the beginning of the season I thought he was looking pretty decent and playing a well-rounded, strong game. I was (unrealistically) wishful that he put some of his analytic woes behind him for good. But his play since around game five or six (somewhere around there) hasn’t been that great, it has kind of dropped off. Which has only added more fire for the analytics side of the argument. Plus, you can just clearly see that he isn’t playing that same strong game that he displayed through the first five or six. Hmmm, I think that history shows you which player we’ll see for the rest of the season. Don’t get me wrong, he’s fearless to put his body on the line and block all those shots. I also like his speed, and willingness to play the puck and move it up ice. But I think it’s a “what you see, is what you get” type of thing from here on out. But here’s to hoping that he proves me wrong for the Oilers sake. Currently, Russell has a stat-line that looks like this:

11GP 0G 3A 3P 6+/-

Did Hell Freeze Over? And No! I’m Not Talking About Another Eagles Reunion Tour!
Anton Lander scored a goal…what the what? My mind is blown…that is all.

10GP 1G 2A 3P 4+/- (Seriously, Anton Lander scored and is on pace for eight goals!)

Nazem “The Rat” Kadri and the First Installment of McDavid VS Matthews

First off, I’ll give credit where credit is due. The Toronto Maple Leafs did a decent job of shutting down Connor McDavid and they did it using a “Layered Defense” system. It wasn’t just Nazem Kadri himself. But let’s be honest, he did a great job of playing that annoying, pesky, “Esa Tikkanen” type of shadow role. He was very Esa-esque that night.

But back to the “Layered Defense”, the first layer was obviously Nazem, and then the second layer was most commonly Morgan Reilly. The third layer, and the one that the infamous Toronto Media wasn’t talking about was the great game by Frederik Andersen. All they talked about was Nazem Kadri’s defensive coming out party. Yes, the Leafs played Connor annoyingly well, but also look at that game this way, they faced an insanely hot Freddie Andersen that night. He stopped 44 out of 46 shots….PURE FIRE! So I think that was what really shut Connor and the rest of the team down.

But back to “The Rat”, why the bloody hell didn’t someone like I don’t know, ummm, Milan Lucic go and push him around, intimidate, or even face wash him and talk some smack for Pete’s sake? Dude, it was so infuriating watching his antics take place. It’s not just Looch’s fault either, ANYBODY should have stepped in and put an end to this Rat pushing around their captain. Like honestly, what the what? They better not let that kind of crap take place again.

So I think that was what really shut Connor and the rest of the team down HaHa. But back to “The Rat”, why the bloody hell didn’t someone like I don’t know, ummm, Milan Lucic go and push him around, intimidate, or even face wash him and talk some smack for Pete’s sake? Dude, it was so infuriating watching his antics take place. It’s not just Looch’s fault either, ANYBODY should have stepped in and put an end to this Rat pushing around their captain. Like honestly, what the what? They better not let that kind of crap take place again.

What it’s Like Living in the “Center of the Hockey Universe” and Not Be a Leafs Fan
Annoying HaHa…as I’m sure that you are all aware, the Toronto Sports Media is absolutely bonkers! I’m almost convinced that MLSE owns TSN, and SportsNet. HaHa! But seriously, thank goodness for the internet and live streaming, the NHL Centre Ice package, Android boxes, and alternative media. But living here also has it’s perks, I can visit the Hockey Hall of Fame whenever, and enjoy the Raptors and Blue Jays as well. Not to mention that 90% of my friends are Leafs fans, and we LOVE talking smack with each other. Before McDavid got drafted, it was next to impossible for me to find some Oilers gear to buy around here. I had to do my shopping online.

Well ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tripping with me again! Until next time, stay trippy my friends!

As always, you can chat and follow me Twitter @kosmicburrito

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Armchair GM, Breaking News, Edmonton Oilers, NHL, Rumors

Oilers to Land Powerplay “QB”

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  • **DISCLAIMER!!**
    Because there are some folks who seem to lack the ability to discern between satire and seriousness, we need to put up this disclaimer. This is NOT a post intended to be taken seriously!! It’s a satirical piece. That is all. Please enjoy the creative musings of one Kosmic Burrito!*

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am absolutely honoured and truly humbled, that the Oilers chose me, Kosmic Burrito, to break this story to the masses! Why me? Let’s just say that I know a guy…

Ok Ok, truth is, I sold some ‘shrooms to someone in management. I won’t name any name’s, but his name rhymes with “Greg BackRadish”. I also filmed him while on said ‘shrooms, and basically said that if they don’t want this thing to go full blown “Rob Ford Crack Video” scandal styles. Then they need to ante up some inside information to me and our wonderful staff here at Beer League Heroes. Because trust me, this dude’s so weird and wrong on sooooo many levels, and I have the video to prove it! Soooo, which brings me here, you trippy, weird, beautiful creatures! Oh how I missed you glorious bastards!! Alright, let’s get to this breaking news story!

Great Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawd! Oh sweet baby Jesus! Our PP QB prayers have been answered, and by a holy roller himself! Thank you sweet, sweet, sweeeeet baby Jesus! Hallelujah! Can I get an Amen!

Ok, first off, yes you read that right. Craig MacTavish has found, and signed a right handed, power play “Quarterback” defenceman. Yes, that Craig MacTavish, the one that everyone (myself included) thought was going to be banished from the organization when Peter Chiarelli was hired. Nope, not a facking chance people! This cock-a-roach survived the cleanup! Not only did he survive, but he is in fact able to sign players, as well as tons of other cool shit! Here we all thought that they kept him on out respect for the “old boys club”. No way dude, he’s Craig Mac-facking-Tavish! He don’t need no helmet foo’! So I spoke with Craig over the phone, and he was absolutely ecstatic! His energy was contagious, and I started to get giddier than a little Catholic choir boy waiting for the Priest to tuck him in, waiting in anticipation for him to hurry up and tell me.

“You know Kosmic, I should tell you all about how great of a talent evaluator I am when it comes to defencemen. I can spot a grade ‘A’ defenceman a mile away. Nikitin, Fayne, Ference, oh God, I could do this all day.” Craig said.

“Thanks sir, but if we could get on with this breaking news story, that would be stellar!” I replied.

“Fair enough. So I’m sure you’ve been paying attention to the world of sports lately, and aware of most things. Well, one of the more popular news stories lately is about a high profile athlete, who is trying to switch sports. This athlete used to play pro football, and now wants to switch over to baseball. Yesterday he tried out in front of twenty plus teams. Including your beloved Blue Jays.” Said Mactavish.

“Yeah I’ve read something about that, kind of like some wannabe Bo Jackson stuff. What’s that have to do with the player that you signed? You’re a confusing cat MacT.” I said.

“Well, I went down to the baseball skill showcase, I really liked what I saw and actually met with thisyoung man. Kosmic, I’m so proud to announce that Tim Tebow has signed with the Edmonton Oilers, and will become our new power play “quarterback”!!!” MacTavish nearly shouted with absolute excitement. “He has changed his mind about playing baseball, and decided that he would like to try hockey instead. And I was the lucky one to sign him! Trust me, I know a thing or two about winners, and I learned from the best, Mr. Kevin Lowe himself! Plus we all know how well I can judge defensive talent, so this was a complete no brainer.”

“Are you serious Craig? Tim facking Tebow?” I shouted.

“Damn skippy I am! I’ve never felt so confident in my life. I think he has Norris potential. Sure, we need to teach him how to skate, so I asked Andrew Ference to help get him up to speed. Trust me, we found our quarterback on the back end.” MacTavish said with a shit eating grin.

Tim Tebow himself then stepped into the room, and headed over.

“Hi Mr. Tebow, welcome to Oil Country, and I guess technically welcome to the entire world of hockey.” I said.

Tim then said, “First off, I want to give thanks to sweet baby Jesus. Without him…..

Just then a loud horn started to go off. Like really loud, almost like it’s directly in front of me! What is going on? What’s that noise? Oh wow…where did Craig and Tim go? Next thing you know, I narrowly avoided being hit by a city bus in the middle of the street. What the what???? Oh shit, not again.. where are my clothes?

That ladies and gentlemen, is when my ‘shrooms wore off. No, no, NO!! So I didn’t interview MacT? You mean I don’t have an inside link for Oilers info? And I’m not MacT’s dealer? We didn’t land our highly coveted RHD PP QB Tim Tebow? Oh wow….dammit these mushrooms are way too bonkers! I better find some clothes!

As always, stay trippy my friends and buy a shirt!
You can follow me on Twitter @kosmicburrito

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Edmonton Oilers, Kosmic Burrito, NHL, Trades

That Time I Skated On The Ice Desert…

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Whoa! What’s the word my BLH family? Holy fack it’s been a hot minute since we last chilled bruh… I’ve just been cruising through the universe on my psychedelic quest to spread love, fun, and dreams of another Oilers dynasty! And during my time off, I spent a lot of it wondering how the Oilers can get better…and a lot was also spent with various psychedelic ingredients to enhance the journey 😉

Where to start this….hmm, Ok! So about a month before Taylor Hall was traded, I was reading some articles written by the genius that we all know as Lowetide. And it facking hit me! No, not Lowetide’s intelligently written article. It was the mushrooms I ate, silly. Bammmm….I was no longer sitting in the comfort of Castle Grey Skull a.k.a my house. No ma’am…I, Kosmic Burrito, was in an Ice Desert. Yeah, I said it, a motherfacking Ice Desert…and I was skating through it, and gliding along a spiritual quest to better the Oilers.

As I skated across the vast icy desert, various creatures came and spoke to me. First, I met a Shark, and she said, “Kosmic, they need “the D”…they’ll never win without “the D!”. And then the Shark vanished! I know what you’re thinking, a shark in an ice desert talking about dicks?!? I know, right? Facking sweet dude! But she was right, we’ll never win without defence…

I continued my spiritual journey across the desert, still thinking about the Shark and how she said that we need “The D” (lolol). When I came across a Duck, and he said “Kosmic, they’re too top heavy. They need to balance out their bottom! It needs to produce.” I was wondering why he told me that my bum needed to produce, and I realized he meant the bottom 6. Yes!! They need a guy who can grind, play defense, and chip in some damn offense! Wow, what a smart freaking Duck!! Can you imagine if we had 1 or 2 bottom six’ers that could play “the D” and pop in 10 or so goals? Like a 3rd line center that fits this description, so we can bump The Nuge or Dr. Drai up a line. I never did see where that Duck went off to?

The last critter I encountered was a Coyote. I felt bad for this Coyote, he told me that he wasn’t sure if he was going to have a home in the desert for much longer. Something about not having enough friends or something?! But we’ll save that tale for another time. The Coyote told me,”Mr.Burrito, they are too small and wimpy. Listen to women, size matters!” After I realized that the Coyote wasn’t making a peen joke, it hit me!! The Oilers are too damn small, wimpy, and not intimidating whatsoever. The Coyote then spewed out a snapchat rainbow, and rode it into the Ice Sun. “Bye Coyote! I hope that you get your home situation sorted out!”

As I skated along the ice thinking about what the creatures told me. I couldn’t help but think about how right they were. Not too mention how enlightening and gnarly this trip was…

And then I saw him….Chief Blackhawk….as he approached me while riding his buffalo shaped zamboni thingy. I couldn’t help but think to myself,
“Holy shit, these shrooms are amazing!!!! Whooooaaaa dude!!”
When I finally stopped giggling, the Chief got down from his zam-buffalo.
“Kosmic, what up G. What I’m going to say may shizz-ock you. But to get the party started yo, you need to trade Taylor Hall bruh. He will get the coveted RHD. Stay strong homey, and keep it real.” He then gave me a couple toots from his peace pipe, a fist bump, and vanished in a cloud of orange and blue smoke.

I then awoke from my trip, safe and sound in Castle Grey Skull. Wow, the Shark, Duck, Coyote, and Chief Blackhawk were right. We need some D, a bottom six that can chip in offense and cover their own zone, and some size and grit.

I pondered on this for awhile, thinking of different scenarios, possible acquisitions, and yes, trading Taylor Hall. Who could we get? Will we get P.K. for Hall?! Oh yes, my mind was swirling and salivating at the thought.

And then, BAM!! He did it. Chiarelli pulled the facking trigger….

He traded Taylor “top 10 scorer” Hall for Adam “not a #1 RHD” Larsson. Holy Guacamole….did the Twitter-verse ever explode. It was a mix of reactions, people were shocked, delighted, and of course…furious. How could he do this? This isn’t P.K.! Who also happened to be involved in a weird ass blockbuster of his own. What a trip though, am I right? Chiarelli traded Tyler and now Taylor.

I won’t lie, I was pissed. But our leader here, Mr. Beer League himself, set me straight. I’m sure that you all read his wonderful article telling us to chill the fack out. But I was still a little cheesed, Taylor freakin’ Hall man.

So now what? Eat more shrooms!! That’s what! And back to the Ice Desert I went, in search of Chief Blackhawk. As I skated in search of my feather headed friend, he appeared out of the familiar blue and orange smoke, peace pipe in hand and zam-buffalo at his side.
“Kosmic, my dude” he said, “I thought I told you that Hall needed to go yo, why do you doubt me sucka?”
“Because Chief, we didn’t get an Ekman-Larsson, only a Larsson.”
Then the Chief’s face turned into a purple Ewok, but that was just me trippin’ balls.
The Cheif said, “Kosmic, Larsson hasn’t even hit his prime fool,he has all the tools. He’s there to stop goals, not score them. Isn’t that what they’re missing homie?”
And then it hit me, not the shrooms this time. They just acquired a young RHD who hasn’t hit his prime and is projected to be a #2. We don’t even have a #2 (Klefbom?)…until now. He’s not here to score goals, he’s here to stop them.

Then the shrooms wore off, and I realized that I wasn’t at Castle Grey Skull anymore. No, I was naked in a park with an empty bag of pork rinds, and a monkey. Whoa dude, party much? Meh, I’ve snapped out of it in worse situations. But I’ll save those tales for another day.

So friends, during my psychedelic journey, I came to the realization that in order to “get”, you need to “give”. Hall gave us 6 years of absolute excitement. When he has the puck on his stick, you never know what will happen. He’s fackin’ electric, no doubt about it. But what happened in the 6 years he was here? Now I’m definitely not saying that Hall is the epicenter of all things awful for the Oilers. He’s not the only reason that they have shit the bed for the last 10 years. But, it’s time for a culture change. And Chia-Pete established that with 2 moves: trading Hall, and signing Looch.

So Shark, does Larsson give the Oilers “the D” they need? And is the Coyote satisfied with the size, grit, and intimidation that they’ll get from Looch? Then there’s the Duck…will Chiarelli shore up our bottom 6? That’s still out there, we’ll wait and see.

Think about it though, Klefbom, Davidson, and Nurse will all be 1 year older and more mature. Add in Larsson, and Sekera, and it does project to be better. I won’t lie though, I’m still holding onto hope that we acquire a power play specialist, puck moving defenceman to round it out. *cough cough Barrie* Also, a solid 3rd line center who can chip in some offense, would be excellent.

Well folks, what’s next? What do you think they should do? Is Chiarelli done, or is he waiting in the grass patiently, ready to pounce on a puck moving RHD? Either way, whatever you do or wherever you are, STAY TRIPPY MY FRIENDS!!!

As always, I welcome and enjoy your comments, feedback, and criticism. You can link me on Twitter @kosmicburrito

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